CHICAGO, IL. - Some were surprised when embattled Illinois governer Rod Blagojevich revealed he had considered Oprah Winfrey for the vacant Senate position. Now, authorities have learned Oprah Winfrey planned to use her influence to help propel Rod Blagojevich into Obama's Cabinet as Secretary for the Department of the Exterior.
From here, Blagojevich would have been in a position to make good on his promise to sell Oprah a portion of the Moon's surface. The philanthropist and media icon apparently has plans to erect a transmitter on the Moon from which she could make a historic first-ever extra-planetary television broadcast. From the lunar surface, "she clearly could use her bully pulpit to do good things for people," said Blago.
Citing "concern for the future," Blagojevich apparently also had plans to purchase Canada from France in exchange for the US Virgin Islands. He would then designate Canada a national park, ensuring her preservation for future generations of Americans. Blago says he also believes this is a critical step in staving off global warming.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, though surprised to learn that Alaska is not a contiguous state, was dee-lighted to learn this would make it one, and that she might be able to use her "bull-moosey pulpit" to do good things for people as well. She threw her hat in the ring in support of Blagojevich's maverick run for Department of the Exterior, smiling and winking for the cameras.
Obviously incredibly irritated, President Obama strongly denied any link to these parties or knowledge of Blago's Cabinet bid, and exclaimed, "there is NOT... even SUCH... a THING as a Department of the Exterior!" When a reporter asked the President, "Can we talk a little bit about these newest Blagojevich scandals?" Obama answered, "NO, WE CAN'T!!" Nervously fidgetting with some papers on his desk, he added, " And if that guy doesn't stop stirring... THINGS... up, I'm going to give him a solid open-handed slap across the face."