Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 24 January 2009

image for Super Bowl Halftime To Feature The First Family
Raymond James Stadium site of the 2009 Super Bowl Game (photo courtesy of Agyness Deyn)

TAMPA, Florida - President Barack Obama is not only showing the entire world that he can definitely handle the job of president, but come Feb. 1, 2009, he will show the world that he is an accomplished guitar player as well.

NBC has just announced that they will be adding the First Family to it's half time festivities. Singing along with the president's guitar playing will be First Lady Michelle Obama, who close friends have described as having a singing voice that is a combination of Mariah Carey, Beyonce, and Celine Dion.

Mrs. Obama's voice teacher, MahiMahi Maypole, 47, says that Michelle can hit notes that only Mariah Carey can hit. She added that some of those notes are so high that they are not even on the sheet music.

Regarding the president's guitar playing. Eric Clapton, one of the greatest guitar players of all time remarked, "I heard him play at a Beverly Hills fundraiser and I could not believe what I was hearing. He played 'Layla' and it blew me away."

Clapton stated that Eddie Van Halen, who is also one of the best guitar players around, turned to him in total amazement and said, "Wow! Eric, the tall skinny bro can flat out play the hell out of that Fender Telecaster."

Clapton went on to say that last year Stephen Stills actually talked to Obama about getting together with him, David, Graham, and Neil and playing some left coast gigs as Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, & Obama.

During the halftime show, the Obama daughters, Malia and Sasha will also be on stage singing backup vocals to their Mother's lead singing.

Those who have heard the two 'First Kiddoes' sing describe them as an uncanny version of the Jonas Brothers; only shorter, prettier, and female.

Malia said that they learned to sing by listening to Miley Cyrus records and watching Alicia Keys videos on MTV. Sasha smiled and said, "Alicia is so pretty, I bet you she probably has several million boyfriends."

And the president's half brother, Aweemawok Obama, who plays for the world champion Boston Celtics, will also be on the Super Bowl stage. He will be playing bass guitar in the Obama band.

Aween says that he learned how to play the bass guitar by listening to Paul McCartney's instructional CD entitled, "Hello, My Name Is Sir Paul of The Beatles and Later Wings, and I Am a Damn Good Bass Player and If You Listen To This CD, You Too Can Be a Damn Good Bass Player As Well In Just Two Or Three Short Months."

And still another Obama family member who will be gracing the stage as well will be the president's half sister Nakalisha Tuntatonga who only recently arrived in the United States from Kenya.

Naky, as the president calls her is a fantastic drummer. She says she picked it up after years and years of listening to the various African tribes communicating with each other in the jungles of Kenya.

So it certainly appears that the featured Super Bowl halftime performer, Bruce Springsteen will have some pretty fair competition.

Bruce told John Madden, who will be providing the color commentary for the game, that in his entire career, which spans over 40 years, he has never had a more interesting 'opening act.'

He added that NBC is billing the Obama band as, 'The First Papa Obama & First Mama Obama That's What We're Talkin' and Singin' About First Band.'

Springsteen said that they will be performing three songs. Two were hits of his, 'Born In The U.S.A.' and 'Born To Run.'

The third song is one which Springsteen wrote especially for the president's Super Bowl halftime appearance and is entitled, 'Born To Be The Main Man.'

In related news. Paris Hilton was asked if she would be rooting for the Pittsburgh Steelers or the Arizona Cardinals.

Paris smiled, thought about it for a few moments, and then remarked. "I think that I will be rooting for the Pittsburgh Cardinals...because they wear red...and red is a 'hot' color."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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