WASHINGTON DC - Dr. Strangedeath, FDA spokesman, was found hiding under his desk this morning, hiding from the new administration. When finally coaxed out to use the restroom, he answered a few of my questions.
When asked why he was under his desk, he said he had heard that the influence of corporations in government was going to be next to nothing due to "change". He feared that he would be fired for promoting aspartame along with the drug and food manufacturers.
He said he knew it was poison and that the scientists had all been overridden by politics and feared that he would finally have to answer for all the sickness and death that aspartame has caused.
He finally came out when he heard on the news that there were enough aspartame zombies well established in high places to protect him from any harm.
He even quipped, "A little poison is really just a stimulant you know", as he managed a nervous smile.