Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Friday, 23 January 2009

image for $1.8 billion Mall crowd estimate challenged; National Park Service alleges racism
A whole lotta color...

Current counts indicate that 1.8 billion persons, at least half of whom were black, packed into the Washington D.C. Mall on Tuesday to witness the historic inauguration of the nation's first African-American president.

These results are being challenged, however, by random white guys with slide rules and tape-measures, prompting heated allegations of racism and prejudice from the office of the National Park Service.

No 'official' count was taken of the number of people attending the inauguration ceremony.

The US Park Service has not permitted to officially count numbers since the 1995 Million Man March debacle, but is still allowed to issue estimates.

The National Park Service has assured doubters that their current 1.8 billion estimate, up from initial attendance reports of a paltry million there for Tuesday's morning's historic inauguration of the nation's first African-American president, which failed to 'jive' with so many enthusiastic estimates broadcast live by tearful African-Americans that morning, were arrived at after meticulous examination of NASA satellite photos taken from space, input from consultants Louis Farrakhan and pastor Jeremiah Wright, on-the-scene reports from bystanders and a precise hand-count of trash left strewn around the Mall afterwards, particularly noting the relative absence of discarded Starbuck's cups to, say, McDonalds' or Afro-Sheen product containers.

The detritus of the historic inauguration of the nation's first African-American president is still being studied by trash experts.

National Park Service representatives are 'stunned' at the skepticism their crowd estimates have engendered and assure reporters, especially the white ones, that their number is an accurate minimum.

Neville Nebbish, head of National Park Service public relations since 1995, spoke before CNN cameras while perspiring heavily, "Who exactly doesn't believe us?

"Sounds like that might be racist, you know, some racist types? Like, were they white guys with slide rules and shit? I mean why else get their numbers so wildly wrong, right unless they were prejudiced?

"We at the National Park Service stand by our current minimum estimate of 1.8 billion persons gathered peacefully on the Mall to witness the historic inauguration of the nation's first African-American president."

When asked what their maximum estimate might be, Nebbish would only say that there was "no knowing" the true size of that historic and peaceful high-density accumulation of African-Americans, but that it was, "Really, really big, man, like huge. Gigantic.

"None of us had ever seen so many colored folks in our lives."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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