Written by queen mudder
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Topics: bernard madoff

Thursday, 22 January 2009

image for Florida priests' stolen $800 million collection plate funds vanish in Madoff Ponzi scam
Parish funds were invested in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scam

West Palm Beach, Fla - (OMFG! Mess): Two Catholic priests who stole more than $800 million over the last 20 years from St Vincent Ferret's Church collection plates have lost all the filthy lucre in Bernie Madoff's Off-the-Wall-Street Ponzi scam.

Fr John Skehan and Fr Francis Guinan ministered to one of the richest parishes in the USA while remorselessly plundering church coffers according to indictment statements filed today.

At first they hid the stolen money in the church ceiling and opened offshore bank accounts in the Bahamas.

These paid for credit card binges, Las Vegas gambling sprees, a fleet of Lamborghinis, Boca Raton beachfront condominiums, escorts from Elliot Spitzer's Holy Roman Emperor VIP Hooker Agency and enough recreational substances to keep half of Hollywood high for at least one week.

Next they decided to play the markets after a tipoff that the Vatican's entire investment portfolio was being managed by a wizard hedge fund trader called Bernie Madoff.

The rest as they say is hystery.

At his diocese mansion in Fort Lauderdale today the Archbishop of Florida said "F****!!!! Hell!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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