WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a surprise move, President Barack Obama has laid off 30 White House employees.
A spokesman for the brand new president said that although the president hates to see anyone lose their job, he had to make that decision in order to save the American taxpayers some money.
He did say that the jobs that were lost were secondary in nature; such as an assistant to the assistant Rose Garden rose trimmer and the assistant salad maker.
Three other jobs that were lost were chief light bulb changer and his two assistants.
A witness on the scene gave this exclusive insight into what transpired:
"My goodness Timmy," the president said, addressing one of his secret service agents, "I think that the president of the United States is perfectly capable of getting up on a chair and changing a light bulb don't you?"
"Absolutely, Mr. President. Yes sir."
"And Timmy, you're real name is Timothy right?"
"Ah, no sir, my real name is Timmy. I was named after one of my aunts, Timmy Cartcastle."
"Oh...okay, that's somewhat odd, but hey, we live in America, the greatest nation in the world.
So Timmy let's go out back to the presidential basketball court so I can shoot some baskets."
"Yes sir, Mr. President, I'll go get the key so that I can get the basketball out of the closet."
"Great. That's what I'm talkin' about. Oh, and one more thing Timmy. Don't worry, you're job is safe."
"Thank you Mr. President. Sir, I played college basketball at North Carolina State, and with all due respect sir, you're fixin' to get your presidential ass kicked."
"Yes sir, Mr. President."
"Guess what Timmy? You now have the distinction of being the very first person that President Barack "Barry" Obama fired."
"I'm sorry Mr. President sir. I apologize for saying the word 'ass.'"
"Just kiddin' Timmy, now go fetch me the basketball pronto. I've got an important meeting with Oprah and Stedman in 30 minutes."
"Yes Mr. President. Right away sir."