George W. Bush, the disgraced former leader of the United States said today in a prepared statement that "he knows he will die soon and go straight to Hell."
Mr. Bush elaborated, saying "I deserve it for what I've done. Look at me. I'm just a horrible, horrible person. I betrayed my country and let a criminal cabal do whatever it wanted for eight years. I destroyed America and a good part of the world. Millions of lives were ruined because of me.
"I'm just a despicable, worthless waste of a human being. I should have never been born. My parents hate me, Dick Cheney says I'm beneath contempt, even the neo-con criminals I empowered ridicule me to my face. Not even my wife Laura has any respect for me. I'm going home to Texas to hang myself in a closet. Please don't look for me."
Sources close to the ousted criminal had no comment, but his mother, Barbara Bush, was overheard berating him, telling her son "You're nothing but a sniveling little coward. You don't have the guts to hang yourself, little mister sissy-britches. You disgust me."