A thin, weary and ashen Barack Obama stood at the podium yesterday and took the oath of office from Chief Justice Roberts. When asked if he was willing and able to perform the duties of the office, Obama replied "Yeah sure, whatever", then put his face in his hands and wept softly.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, "There was a little bit of drama earlier this morning, but it's finally done." Pelosi was referring to the incident, widely reported, that Obama had to be forcibly taken from his hotel room by Secret Service agents in order to attend the noontime swearing in ceremony. Witnesses say the soon to be President was "kicking and screaming". "It was awful" said Norma Mately, whose hotel room is just down the hall from the Obama family. "He kept yelling, "I can't believe you guys are actually going to DO this!". They had to pry his bleeding fingers off the door jamb."
Several long gouges in the carpet leading from the Obama suite and several broken-off fingernails were the only evidence that the President-elect was less than eager to assume the mantle of President of the United States. However, Speaker Pelosi assured the nation that the new President was going to be "just fine", and that any hesitation perceived was just a case of "stage fright".
"Just give him a few days, he'll settle in." said Pelosi. "They all get a little 'funny' the first day or so, but Barack is a strong man, he'll overcome any doubts he may have. Plus, we have plenty of medications available to us."
Outgoing President George W. Bush had a bit of advice for the new Commander in Chief. "Don't fight these people, they ARE serious. Once you win one of those elections, you are stuck with it. Just make the best of it, and hope the next four years goes by quick...And whatever you do, DON'T get suckered into running for another term." Bush paused a moment, then went on. "God, I feel for that poor guy. He has no IDEA what he's in for.."