Newly sworn-in president Barack Obama was last night at the centre of a scandal involving former White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
Following a number of post-inauguration balls last night, Mr Obama was found in the Oval Office 'a little worse for wear'. He was reported to have telephoned an aide and asked if Ms Lewinsky was still working in the White House.
Upon entering the darkened Oval Office, the aide found Mr Obama alone with his trousers around his ankles, trying to read the scale on a 12 inch, shatterproof, plastic ruler, mumbling incoherently to himself.
The aide was then reported to have tried to bundle the president off to bed. During some minor scuffling, the president was reported to have shouted : "But it worked for Bill, he's a f***ing hero now!"
The president was finally taken to his bedroom by 2 nearby secret service agents who were having a crafty cigarette on the lawn of the White House.
Ms Lewinsky's whereabouts are currently unknown.