Washington,DC/ Security News - In keeping with a new administration and a new President, the Secret Service announced today a list of new code names for the Nation's top lawmakers. There were few surprises.
Head Honcho, Barry Hussein Obama, was code named 'Cinnamon Stick" for his little known role in a South Side Chicago low budget porn flick he made while on summer vacation from his freshman year at Columbia. At the time a cocky O'Bama said while he was still on full scholarship, he still needed "F****g around money." The film is now a cult classic at Lake Forest College, on the northern shores of Lake Michigan, also known for graduating Hollywood bad guy, Richard Widmark.
Michelle O'Bama, now will be known as "Honey Pot", at least until such time as she becomes pregnant again. Screen aficionados claim the President and the First Lady met at a screening of "Cinnamon Stick", and she has required a drop of cinnamon in her morning coffee ever since.
Second in line, VP Joe Biden will henceforth be known as "Lady in Waiting", a reference to his 2nd in command position in the Obama/Clinton government, as well as his inability to control his tipsy wife Jill "Jilly" Beiden, who never met a microphone she didn't like.
"Jilly" Beiden is now known as "Sound Bite" after her disastrous appearances on Oprah and Larry King where her revelations earned her "rests" at the Betty Ford Clinic.
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanual, ever close to the Prez, and noted for his foul language, is simply noted as "F-U-Man" in keeping with his mono syllable advice.
Third in line to the Presidency is Nancy Pelosi, forever known as "The Little Tuna", thanks to her political influence on the sweet heart deal she negotiated between her SF constituent Del Monte Foods, and the Korean Fish company that bought out Star Kist Tuna on American Somoa after she did a congressional tax break and negated a minimum wage hike.
Also important in view of the Bail Out Binge is House Banking Chairman Barney Frank, who is now referred to as "K-Y" after the medicinal jelly of the same name.
With all the international intrigue going on around the globe, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been dubbed "Wet Towel" in deference to her area of expertise in mid-east affairs.
A recent Secret Service exchange on the White House security line went something like this on January 22:
"Status Report: Cinnamon Stick has just called for K-Y before stirring up Honey Pot this morning, and then wanted Wet Towel to mop up before meeting The Lady in Waiting while F-U-Man could meet the press and offer up another excuse for Sound Bite while the Little Tuna could cool her ass in the can!"