People watching the inauguration of President Barack Obama today were offered a special treat today: former Vice President Dick Cheney was escorted to the inauguration in a wheelchair and on the short bus.
Citing the professional medical opinions of many specialists and psychiatrists, the soon to be former White House spokeswoman Dana Perino told the press, "the Vice President has been advised to commute to the inauguration via a punctuated bus, in order to protect the safety and well-being of himself and others."
Sources close to the administration stated that the Vice President has been under close observation for the last several weeks, "during a routine physical check up, the Vice President was found to have syphilis. The doctor found that it is now in its last stage, where it affects brain functioning." Several psychiatric professionals have looked at Cheney's behavior over the last several years and have determined that he has been suffering from this condition since at least 2001, when he took the oath as Vice President. "This is a textbook example of why people should get tested for STD's."
The buckshot-free face you save may be your own.