Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Government, Congress

Tuesday, 15 June 2004

In light of possible threats, and keeping in mind the Capital Hill clearing chaos caused when Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher flew to the funeral for President Reagan in a plane the Air Force were briefly unable to identify, Congress has authorized funds for an alternative capital outside Washington, DC.

The building, a storefront in nearby Prince William County, MD, lacks the grandeur and history of the US Capital, but Congressmen and Senators alike believe it will serve the purpose should the unthinkable ever occur.

Representative Tom DeLay (R-TX) spoke to the possibilities, "suppose when Jesus returns and is walking down Pennsylvania Avenue, well, we will all want to be there with him, but agents of Satan will be afoot as well, and they will be powerful, funded as they are by Procter and Gamble and other secular humanist and liberals and Vermont ice cream manufacturers. Why they might blow up the capital, beautiful as it is, for their own evil and nefarious reasons. Then where would we sit in awe and bow down to Jesus, the king of the Universe, if we did not have another capital picked out?"

Others see more prosaic reasons for caution. Iowa Congressman, Luther Higgenbottom -- (R) for one points out, "Capital Hill is what, three flying minutes from Reagan Airport? Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. Besides, if we run into a deficit we can go next door and borrow money from Mr. Swifty."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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