Vatican City - (Cum-Fly-With-Me! Mess): The Pope has waded into the 'Miracle on the Hudson' controversy and blamed it on a punitive Act of God for rampant Gay Mile High Club shenanigans.
"I haf seen ze 1980 movie Airplane! zo I know vot I am talking about!" His Holiness Joe Ratzinger commented as rescuers continued efforts to winch the stricken US Airways Airbus 320 out of the icy New York waters.
The Pope also muttered about an official cover-up into 'spent gay condoms' thrown out of the onboard lavatory 'clogging up the Airbus 320's ramjet engines'.
"Always they blame the birds!" His Holiness mused, "but me I blame ze filthy bumbandits."
The Pope then added that despite his misgivings he would continue to pray for godless homosexuals who continue to interfere with inflight aircraft facilities for personal pleasure.
Monsignor Georg Gangswine, 69, Vatican personal valet to the Pope, was once a steward on Gay Spreadeagle Airlines.