The prime minister has demanded that banks admit how many "toxic asses" they have on their sheets.
Gordon Brown told the Footzwootz Times the banks had to "wipe themselves clean" of toxic asses so people could stand the smell of them again.
He noted that many bank executives were getting High in the Street and probably had forgot how to wipe themselves properly.
His comments caused a great decrease in share prices for banks.
Barcraps was hit the worst, with a 25.435 percent decline. Royal Bank of Screw was down 15.366 percent.
He noted that no one wants paper from someone who can't wipe themselves properly. He suggested that a lot of these smelly papers should be flushed down the toilet.
He also said that executives should cease at once from making zerox copies of their toxic asses, as this is thought to be the ultimate source of some of the most toxic papers.
He noted that this problem should be cleaned up prior to the American inauguration.