Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 16 January 2009

(New York-NY) Coming off a contentious session of "The View", conservative blond Ann Coulter continues her bashing of First Lady to be Michelle Obama, calling her a Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis wannabe. However, Coulter has only praise for Cindy McCain, who during the campaign says Coulter "dressed well without freakishly imitating famous First Ladies in history." Ann, Michelle Obama is a First Lady, so how can she imitate First Ladies?

(Washington, D.C.) Can't make it to the Capitol for the historical inaugural next Tuesday? Don't worry. McGillin's Olde Ale House in Philadelphia will be holding a "Presidential Inauguration Hawaiian Luau" in honor of the President elect's Hawaiian home. And for those Republicans still feeling a little let down over the loss of their candidate, John McCain, Shelby's of Florida will be extending their early bird special to 5:30PM. Party on, G.O.P.

(Anchorage-AK) Sarah Palin continues to draw attention to herself, this time not from teen pregnancy but from a YouTube video clip that has been viewed over 600,000 times. In the clip, Palin continues to rail over her treatment by the media elite and uses Caroline Kennedy's bid to fill the Senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton as an example of that bias. Palin believes Kennedy's kind media treatment exposes "so much hypocrisy" and comes down to a "class issue". That's right, Sarah. Caroline has class and you…well, you betcha.

(New York-NY) As the Obama Presidency marks a historic first, the outgoing Bush administration also has achieved a first. For the first time in its history, "The New York Times" has placed President George W. Bush's farewell address Number One on its "Fiction List".

(Washington, D.C.) The Senate subcommittee has passed on its recommendation to the entire Senate to confirm Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State under the Obama administration. And it was a red letter for Bill Clinton as well. Senior Vice President of Marketing Ed DiGiacamo of Lace, a New York City Gentlemen's Club, has upped the former President's funny money credit line to $25,000.00. Said DiGiacamo, "We know Bill's good for it, even if he doesn't come in with Vernon Jordan."

(New York-NY) Socialite and "internet film star" Paris Hilton made the news when she was caught crashing the Golden Globe after party. Security guards found her in the bathroom, escorting the embarrassed Hilton out. Fans immediately came to her defense, one of them former Senator Larry "Only Once In College But I was really Drunk" Craig. Said Craig, "Just because Paris was in a bathroom doesn't mean she was guilty of anything; and if she was guilty of anything, it wouldn't be that she was soliciting gay sex. I mean crashing a party."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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