WASHINGTON DC - FDA spokesman Dr. A. S. Strangedeath, announced today that despite controversy, aspartame laced food and drink is approved for the inauguration party.
The Secret Service raised concerns that the food might be considered adulterated, but Dr. A. S. Strangedeath explained that that would only be true under the old paradigm's faulty reasoning.
"We used to think that methanol was not good to add to food. Then we realized, why spend so much money worrying about a few health problems when so much more money can be made:
O selling more food because aspartame makes people hungry
O selling more drugs because aspartame makes people sick
O selling more health insurance because people are afraid of
the increasing cancer rates due to aspartame
O selling out the Nation by exporting more jobs because Americans are too expensive and too stupid to employ because of the above
"So for the inauguration, sure it is approved. Life has to go on.", he concluded.