Written by Bureau
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Topics: Health, Obesity

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

image for Number Of Obese Americans Outweigh Fatties
Photo shows those highly disturbed over the news

A Washington health group says that the number of obese American adults outweighs the number of those who are merely overweight, by a total of some 275 ton.

Numbers posted by the National Center For The Bloated (NCTB) Statistics show that more than 34 percent of Americans are morbidly obese, compared to 32.7 percent who are just bouncy, giggly overweight. It said just under 6 percent may blow at any second!

"More than one-third of adults, or over 72 million people, were lardasses in 2005-2006, the NCTB said in its report.

The numbers are based on a survey of 356 adults, but looked like a 1,000, over the age of 20 who take part in a regular government survey of health, said the NCTB, which is part of the Centers for Control and Puss-Gut Prevention.

The "figures" come from the 2005-2006 survey and,naturally, could be inflated.

"During the physical examination, conducted in mobile examination centers, height and weight were measured as part of a more comprehensive set of body measurements," the NCTB report said.

"We now believe that in 2009, there is an ever greater percentage of those who walk like inflated penguins, no longer being able to put their feet together", stated Dr. Tush, who headed up the earlier study and still has the night-shakes to prove it.

"In my dreams, I'm usually in an elevator and huge, fat people keep trying to squeeze in...till I can't breathe and I can't get off."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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