WASHINGTON, DC - Mr. Joe Shexpeck, cab driver, reported that heavily armed agents from the BATF raided the offices of the FDA last night.
Dr. Strangedeath of the FDA explained: the BATF being the agency responsible for the control of alcohol, they acted on a tip that aspartame releases dangerous quantities of methanol when consumed by humans. So, they confiscated all aspartame related documents.
Dr. Strangedeath related that rats and monkeys are not so heavily affected by methanol; rats and monkeys do not have a federal agency to watch out that they do not get intoxicated.
The BATF is going to demand that the normal alcohol tax be collected on aspartame containing products. Normally applied to ethanol, the BATF is now applying this tax to all consumed alcohol products, including methanol.
In anticipation of this tax, aspartame makers have had trouble getting loans.