CRAWFORD, Texas - President George W. Bush, who will shortly be leaving office has stated that due to the horrific state of the economy he will be having to sell his ranch in Texas.
Bush purchased the 1,583 acre ranch, which he named, 'The Lazy Bar B Arrogant Longhorn Ranch' for $1.3 million in 1999.
The president told a reporter for The Galveston Hurricane Chronicle that the upkeep is just to high and now that he will no longer be bringing in the big bucks as president, he and Laura have decided to sell it and move into a more affordable two-bedroom mobile home.
When he was asked what he will miss the most about his ranch he smiled, took a sip from his Big Red soda, and replied that it will be the hunting. He said, "I've been huntin' since I was a little bitty whippersnapper.
In fact, at the age of 2, I shot my very first frog. At the age of 3, I shot my very first squirrel, and at the age of 4, I shot my very first cow.
And boy oh boy, did I get my ass beat for that. I swear after daddy got through whippin' me with that mesquite tree limb, I could not sit down without screaming like a crazed banshee for about six days.
I remember my grandpa picking me up and telling me, "Georgy the reason that your daddy is so upset about you shootin' that cow, is because you actually shot about 3,000 Big Macs."
Bush then said, "I want to say to everyone who will be reading this newspaper article that I am a true, honest-to-goodness hunter. I hunt with my feet smack dab on the ground. I don't hunt from some state-owned helicopter like that Sarah Paleface gal up in Whatsilly, Alaska."
When he was asked about some of the particulars of his ranch, he replied, "Well, the ranch covers 1,583 acres, it has a 4,000 sq. ft. house with 8 bedrooms, a guest house, a 4-truck garage, and a helicopter hangar.
Oh and a large swing out back made from imported Norwegian wood that will easily hold 4 adults, or 3 if one of them is as big as that Opera Wintry gal." when asked if he really meant to say Oprah Winfrey, the president grinned that George W. Bushesque smile and said, "Yeah, that's what I said, Opera Wintry."
In developing news. Simon Cowell said that he talked to Queen Elizabeth last week and that she plans to buy President Bush's Texas Ranch. Cowell said the queen is buying it so that when her grandkids visit 'The Colonies' they'll have something to do.