WASHINGTON D.C.-President Elect Barrack Obama is planning massive changes to U.S. currency that will permanently solve the looming financial crisis. According to an Obama insider the incoming president is "a genius" when it comes to solving this kind of problem and everyone will be amazed by the new plan that he claims will put more money in the pockets of every citizen in America.
"We're going to create more wealth than anyone has ever seen before," said Brunson Burris, aide to Obama. "Once President Obama is in office he will have control over all the presses that print money. From there it's so easy to solve the problem that I don't know why someone has not thought of it before!? Just start printing money until everyone has all they need!!"
Economist and former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan reacted to the idea with astonishment. "I truly did not, even in my most unabashed inward fantasies of how to most directly improve and thereby enhance the monetary availability to the average citizen of this country, conceive of a proposition remotely close to this during my tenure as dictator over the currency of the free-market system, which I helped manage and control for the many years I was in office," said Greenspan. "I don't think it would be irrational exuberance to consider the possibilities of this plan! This will be the true free market… where we are free to print all the cash we need!"
A quick poll of people on the streets of the capitol revealed support for the plan.
"This young man from Kenya, by way of Hawaii, by way of Illinois, may be on to something very big," said Ingar Ahmed, an unemployed Nigerian immigrant recently arrived in the U.S. on a work visa. "He brings to us many ideas that privileged Americans would never think! For example, many African countries have all the money they want because they don't mind printing all day long. You can have that here as well!"
Meanwhile, late pro-capitalist author and philosopher Ayn Rand rolled over in her grave and issued a statement to the press completely and forever denying her connection to the views of Alan Greenspan. Quote: "Alan is an idiot. If Mr. Obama wants the real answer to the current crisis, he should read Atlas Shrugged."
Accompanying the quote was the following disclaimer: "My issuing a statement from beyond the grave does not in any way change my view that there is no life after death and should not be considered proof or evidence of such."