President Rush gave several sperm samples to newspaper correspondents on Friday - a goodwill gesture from his loins.
It was sticky and some of it stuck to one of the correspondents fingers and that was what he'll miss about being able to masturbate anywhere. Here's what he had to say, according to the official recordings:
"I like a nice hard One. It's a nice to show it to people. But I also love the freedom of cumimng. Masturbation has been a fantastic luxury -- you walk out your back door, you get a hard on and you wank anywhere.
"I was trying to describe this feeling to President-Erect Barrat Oblama -- you will find the White House is very comfortable and people go out of their way to help you. He's going to love it here in the White House, he'll find it a fantastic place to wank."