Written by matwil
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Friday, 9 January 2009

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The new voice of America, whose speeches are written by the IDF

US President-elect Barack Obama today made a speech to urge action on the economy. 'It's not too late to change course', he said, 'but if nothing is done then the killing of Palestinian civilians could last for years. No, hold on, the recession could last for years. A world that is watching and waiting for American to lead on the problems in Israel - I mean on the economy - is going to have to wait a long time.'

'Every day we drag our feet more Palestinian children will die, more Americans arms manufacturers will make huge profits, and even the Red Cross will start criticising Israel, and the USA will say nothing. Wait a minute, guys, this ain't the speech Ehud Olmert told me to read out! What's going on here?'

A sudden phone call interrupted the Senator. 'Excuse me', he said, pointing and waving to the audience out of habit, 'hi Ehud, wassup man?' 'Senator, we expressly forbade you to mention Israel bombing and killing Palestinian civilians, including children. We told you to keep quiet about Israel endlessly ignoring UN Resolutions.'

'We ordered you to ignore the massive disease-ridden ghettos that Israel has created with America's support, and we told you to act mute when the entire world was revolted by Israeli jet strikes against what are just large numbers of concrete villages, crammed together in Gaza in some of the world's worst conditions. You'd better end this speech now, or you know what will happen.'

Senator Obama ended his speech - only pausing to add 'And as long as Palestinians fire home-made rockets that wouldn't scare a cat at Israel, it's a just and correct reaction for Israel to massacre the civilian Palestinian population, and make us lots of money. I thank you.'

As the President-elect left the building, Ehud Olmert turned to one of his advisors. 'What do you think, Herr Eichmann?' 'Israel will go a long way, but I just have one criticism.' 'What's that?' 'We did it all on our own, you're relying on American support.' 'So what?' 'Whoever heard of Americans winning a war? I'd find some tougher friends if I were you.'

Recruitment for Hezbollah and Hamas and the Syrian and Iranian armies went through the roof this week, thank to Israel's peace-loving and democratic actions, and thanks to America's peace-loving and democratic silence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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