Washington/DC/ Pork Barrel Gazette - It's Official! You have to waste more money and increase bureaucratic inefficiency in order to find out why you are wasting more money and being inefficient in Washington!
President Elect Barack Obama, who fancies himself a cross between FDR, Abe Lincoln and Michael Jordon, dribbled twice, then took another last minute, buzzer beating shot in an attempt to get to the bottom of the bottom less pit of Government inefficiency, corruption, and overstaffing by.....FORMING ANOTHER LAYER OF INEFFICIENT BUREAUCRACY, naming a head to his newly formed GOVERNMENT PERFORMANCE OFFICE!
The new department head, one Ms. Nancy Killefer, will be in charge of a new layer of highly paid government employees, ensconced in a FRESHLY rented executive suite of offices, furnished with taxpayer money, and be charged with informing the government that "WE'RE REALLY INEFFICIENT AND CORRUPT...AND HAVE TOO MANY DUDS ON THE PAYROLL!"
The new office will have a staff of 160, Ms. Killefer will have the use of a Gulfstream V jet aircraft that was lying around after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi deemed it "too small" for her needs, a fleet of government cars in order to make forays into the civilian world to gather information on "waste", and a preliminary budget of $25M a year and an unlimited expense account bolstered by government American Express Cards to help fill in financial shortfalls while on fact finding junkets.
Critics inside the Government Accounting Office (GAO), said Department Heads in several of the Government's most inefficient offices are taking this opportunity to rid themselves of even their most inefficient employees, transferring them to the aptly named office of "Inefficiency @ Waste Management".
"This is a great opportunity," one department head crowed, "you can't fire these drones, I think President Obama came up with a great idea to warehouse the dead wood in one central office!" He didn't mention that he would be filling the vacated slots with even more deadwood from the lower end of the political gene pool.
The idea must be catching on as the new department has a waiting list of 15,000 staffers, and only slots totaling 160, not including independent contractors.
The new office will have no legal enforcement rights or powers of subpoena, and basically is charged with continuing the Washington culture of impotent, benign overseeing of WASTE .
Meanwhile, a spokesman for the DRUDGE REPORT said they were able to uncover and spotlight Washington corruption and waste thanks to the efforts of one lone Investigative SPOOF reporter working part time out of his cellar and collecting Social Security. (ed note: while it lasted)