WASHINGTON DC, Dr. Strangedeath of the FDA announced today that Zyclon-B, as well as the already approved Agent Orange is now approved for use in air-freshening aerosol spray cans, so long as a non-fluorocarbon propellant is used, and aspartame is used to sweeten the product in case of accidental ingestion.
Strangedeath revealed that new, industry funded studies have proven Zyclon-B safe beyond a shadow of a doubt and that it does not cause cancer in rats.
Strangedeath reported that there were a few independent labs that showed that there were some risks with Zyclon-B, but strangely, the researches have retired and are no longer available to defend their work. He said they have more important things to do, like stand in line for soup, and a handy sport beverage with aspartame.
Strangedeath says the FDA likes the new Zyclon-B sprays because they kill lice. He explained that these can be problematic in large detention camp environments.
We found that the primary maker of the new sprays is the Bear Aspen company. Spokesmen at Bear refused to comment when we contacted them. In fact, they growled.