HOLLYWOOD, California - Kate Hudson, 29, movie starlet has finally gotten what she has always wanted. No, not a boyfriend who will feed her movie star ego seven days a week, but rather something that will be with her 24/7...boobs.
Kate checked into Hollywood's Laurel and Hardy Hospital to get breast augmentation surgery on January 5, 2009. The mammoplasty enlargement procedure was performed at 7 am and by 3 pm that afternoon, Kate was in her canary yellow Porsche on her way back home.
Dr. Yamagura Kubayashi, Jr. performed the 31 minute breast enlargement operation. When asked how Kate was doing, he replied, "Miss Hudson is doing fine. Like they say in West Virginia, she is as happy as a termite in a lumber yard."
As he was putting away his surgical instruments the doctor remarked, "Everything went well. Ms. Hudson's pulse is normal. Her heart rate is good. Her blood pressure is perfect. And her new boobies are, for want of a better word, boobalicious!
In over 30 years of performing bosom implants, I have to say that I have never seen a happier and more satisfied patient than Katey. In fact, she was so thrilled that she told me that in my honor, she has named her left one Kuba and her right one Yashi.
And let me say that it is an extreme honor. I simply loved her in the movie Fool's Gold with Matthew McConaughey. In fact, I even named my two pet Labrador Retrivers Tess and Finnegan after her character's name.
But as amazingly unusual as knocker-naming sounds, it is really not a first for me.
Several years ago Pamela Anderson told me during her first office visit after her breast augmentation surgery that she had named her two breasts after me. She said she named her left one Doctor and her right one Kubayashi, Jr.
But I must say that as fantastically excited as Pammy was, Katey's excitment has definitely overshadowed it. After Katey saw the results of my handy work in the hand-held mirror she smiled and began cheering like a high school cheerleader. She kept yelling, 'Yes, that's what I'm talking about! Touchdown baby, touchdown!'
Bernadette Ritz, 39, Miss Hudson's nurse said that Miss Hudson started smiling at about 8:14 am and when she left the hospital at 2:27 pm she was still smiling from ear-to-ear or as Ritz said, to use the more appropriate medical vernacular, she was smiling from tittie-to-tittie."
Dr. Kubayashi was asked what Kate's new bra size was, but he declined to divulge that info since he said that it was highly guarded personal doctor/patient information.
Nurse Ritz however did reveal that Katey Hudson has the prettiest, perkiest, most perfect-looking size 36-A puppies that she has seen in the entire 17 years that she has worked in the mammary gland enhancement department.
She then stated, as she was measuring a patient's nipples pre-surgery, "Dr. Kubayashi really out did himself this time. He is by far the best knocker doctor west of the Mississippi River."
Ritz then smiled and pointed towards her chest and said, "Two years ago, after my divorce from that no good two-timing, skirt-chasing SOB Tyrenzo Ritz, Dr. Yami did a complimentary jug job on me.
I went from a 38-B to a 38-D. It was simply astounding. My womanly self-esteem instantly went through the roof. My female self-worth tripled. And my cell phone has not stopped ringing since."
And in somewhat related knocker news. Dolly Parton revealed to Barbara Walters that each one of her ample breasts is insured with Loads of London for $1.3 million (or two for $2.6 million).