Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Baghdad, Car Bomb

Sunday, 13 June 2004

Newly installed Iraqi Deputy Foreign Minister Bassam Kubba was assassinated by unknown gunmen in Baghdad. This follows the car bomb killing on May 17th of Ezzedine Salim, then head of the Iraqi Governing Council and the May 27th attack on the convoy of another Council member, Salama al-Khafaji, which killed her eighteen year old son.

The Iraqi Interim Government has taken to picking it's replacement members by choosing straws as very few clear thinking Iraqi's seem to be interested in the job. In fact several Ministers have taken to offering their posts to anyone who wants them; a cab driver in Fallujah has recently become Minister of Culture when the man who held the post stuck a briefcase full of Ministry papers in his hands and the Minister of Finance actually cut a check to an Iraqi toddler to accept his position.

Brig. General Mark Kimmet, spokesman for the Occupation Forces said, in what can best be described as a mind boggling understatement, "We're not satisfied that we're making adequate progress." A new Iraqi opinion poll seems to agree with the General's assessment; 67% describe their country "Gone to Hell in a Hand Basket" while 32% described it as "Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition". The remaining 1% had no opinion as they had already been killed by either Coalition Forces or some combination of resistance groups.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "The best thing I can say about Iraq is that I'm not there, but I tell you I've been thinking about re routing Paul Wolfowitz's next flight to Boca Raton to Basra instead by mistake."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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