Written by rapoport
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Topics: Internet, Protest

Sunday, 4 January 2009

image for Facebonk faces thousands of protesters
Facebonk rules!

The worldwide social utility Facebonk has recently come under fire for deleting photos of women from its site. As a result, thousands of users have protested, on the site itself and in person at Facebonk's headquarters in Follow Malto, California.

An interviewer went to Facebonk's HQ to get the story. Facebonk's spokesman, Beery Snit, put down his Bud, turned off the Playbay Channel, and explained. "The photos we delete are almost exclusively brought to our attention by porn mags when they see a photo they can't pay us for."

The interviewer was surprised but went on to ask what sorts of image were removed. "Photos containing a fully exposed beast," said Snit. "I mean breast! But those breasts really are the beast. And we ride 'em hard."

The story came out. Women everywhere objected to Snit's description. They complained on TV and radio and in print, as well as on Facebonk itself. Eventually Snit elaborated.

"Okay, I'll give you the real deal. We just delete photos of...you know, when they do it...with babies!"

Journalists became alarmed. Snit was rumored to have gone back into hiding to confer with his boss, Murk Suckerburger. The next day, the boss called a news conference.

"You guys just don't get it. Okay, we'll use the big words. I have 'em right here. Like 'obscene, pornographic, sexually explicit.' I can even spell 'em."

A TV reporter asked Suckerburger whether those applied to all women. "Yeah, dude," was the immediate reply. "But totally the ones doin' that milk crap. We don't want no gooey mess when we slobber over our ho's."

Another reporter asked Suckerburger whether he was lactose intolerant. "No way," he answered. "Don't gimme that L-word."

"Are you just intolerant, then?" was the follow-up question. At that, Suckerburger looked puzzled and declared the news conference over.

The next day, Facebonk issued a press release. "We'd like to correct a mistake in the media that Facebonk doesn't like women. In fact, we really dig the sluts.

"And let us tell you something. Kids are wrecked if they ever see one breastfeeding. That just sucks. And a picture of one? Not hot. Look, we come under the rules of the FCC, the Facebonk Communications Commission. And it says titties are a no-no, unless they're in the back rooms here."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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