Washington,DC/ Washington Post/Life Style Section - VP Joe "Rambo" Biden and Hedge Fund Manager/Solar Dildo spokesman Al Gore, both agree: their new underwear has freed their libido, as well as reinvigorated their hair follicles!
The exciting announcement was part of a lengthy feature article in Futurist Magazine that foretold of increased world wide sexual activity and less reliance on anti-depressant drugs for 2009,(Eureka!) in addition to the discovery of the libido raising shorts.
Gore said the state of the art boxer/briefs had freed up his formerly closely confined love sack, and for the first time since the Supreme Court awarded the election to "W", "my chads are no longer just hanging, but are free ....free at last!"
Obama hair (sic) apparent Biden said he had discontinued a lengthly,and losing battle, with hair loss and strange looking transplant procedures.
He claims increased blood flow to his nether regions caused a resurgence of pubic hair that filled in between the corn rows on his head, and made the costly procedures "no longer cost effective", especially in view of the recent "hair tax" being levied by House and Ways Committee Chairman, Charles Wrangle(sic), the pomaded Tax Czar.
The new shorts, made of a miracle micro-fiber including polyester, silk, sugar cane and ground nutmeg, not only smell good, a side effect appreciated by Senate Majority leader Harry Reid, but encourage increased blood flow to the region promoting a rediscovered sexual drive , formerly only attributed to laboratory mice in Bar Harbor, Maine's Jackson Lab-the worlds' foremost
breeder of "genetically pure" mice.
The success of the shorts has been attributed to the miracle spice "Nutmeg", which as noted has a salivating effect on taste buds, but used discreetly also reduces swelling. The proper ratio, a lab secret, "keeps things manageable" according to Biden and Gore, until they can "free themselves" in the privacy of their executive offices, or any other place they can ran to quickly for relief.
Mrs. "Tipper" Gore, and Mrs. "Muffy" Biden, were not available for this story as aides said they had both checked into the Betty Ford Clinic for treatment
of unnamed abuses of a sexual nature.
A Nurse, not authorized to give out medical information said, "they're both pretty well Banged up...!"