WASHINGTON DC - Today, on the first day of 2009, FDA spokesperson Dr. Strangedeath announced that Agent Orange is approved as the orange flavor agent. In fact, approval for all other orange flavors, including oranges, is revoked, per the Alimentary Canal Treaty (ACT).
Aspartame continues to be the sweetener of record per the FDA; all other sweeteners, including sugar are now illegal. Products sweetened with corn byproducts are now illegal since the corn is needed to make fuel for SUV's, now that the Big Three are all bailed out.
Anyone caught with sugar will be sent to a FEMA detention camp. Their organs will be harvested. If the sugar is traced to Cuba, the problem will be dealt with summarily.
The FDA also announced the availability of a new drug, Dethease, that counteracts any side-effects of the battle tested Agent Orange.