Written by Frank Cotolo
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Topics: O. J. Simpson, miami

Saturday, 12 June 2004

image for Simpson beard revealed
Arnold J.J. Johnson, the Simpson beard.

MIAMI, Fla. -- In an interview marking the tenth anniversary of the O.J. Simpson trial, O.J. decided it was time for more revelations.

"Not only didn't I murder Nicole and that other guy," he said, "but I am not really O.J. Simpson. My real name is Arnold J. J. Johnson.

"Not only is my real name Arnold J. J. Johnson, but I don't like football."

When asked what the reason for the charade has been, O.J., or Arnold, said, "I been covering for O.J. Simpson, who left the country right after the murder. He paid me a bundle to play him during the trial and until now.

"He told me I wouldn't have to go to prison because they would never convict me. Hey, the glove fit him, not me, remember?"

Interpol refused to look for the man Johnson said is the real Simpson, because it was just too late now. A spokesperson from Interpol said, "You cannot convict the same man who was impersonated by another man for the same crime twice."

Johnson said now that this was all cleared up he would return to his regular occupation as a hot dog vendor at Yankee Stadium.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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