Written by davoarid
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Topics: Washington, Congress

Saturday, 12 June 2004

image for Congress bans Midget Adoption
Above-- Jack and Diane Warner, moments before hearing the bad news.

WASHINGTON- Midget Rights groups around the nation were devastated last night after Congress passed a Bill banning Midget Adoption.

Trent Lott (R-MS) sponsored the Bill, called the 'No Child Left Short' Act. "If we allow midgets and dwarves to adopt children, these children will try to copy their parents. Pretty soon, we'll have a new generation of dwarves walking around," Lott claimed. "Dwarfism just isn't natural; we need to stress that we do not support these midgets, and that their actions are an abomination of God."

Lott also added, "It's a proven fact that children of midget-parents have a much higher chance of becoming midgets themselves. We just want to prevent that from happening."

Rick Santorum (R-PA) also supported the ban. "It's not that we dislike midgets," Santorum said. "In fact, I think they're really funny and cute. We passed this bill because we cared about the children."

"Just think what the other kids will say on the playground when they see that the other child's 'parents' are actually midgets," Santorum continued. "Kids can be so cruel at that age. We're just trying to prevent these kids from receiving abuse from other students. The best way to prevent this from happening is to allow more abusive families who are of regular height adopt children."

Tom Coleman, president of the Midgets in America Foundation, condemned the White House's decision. "This is a sad day in our nation's history. We need to work together to get these heightists out of Congress," he told a crowd of midgets. "Even though we may be 3/5ths the size of them, it doesn't mean our rights are only 3/5ths as important."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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