Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson spoke at a press conference on Thursday, acknowledging that efforts to stimulate the nation's moribund economy have so far been "a failure", and that the economy remains cold and unresponsive.
"I've been on top of this economy since mid-June. I've done everything I can think of, but it just lays there like a dead fish or something." said a visibly frustrated Paulson. "It wouldn't kill it to move once in a while, at least I'd know it was still alive."
Paulson denied accusations by some that he has been taking the economy for granted. "Not true!", he says. "I love this economy, we go back a long way. We've had our ups and downs just like everyone else, but no one can say they love this economy more than I do."
"I've been willing to try new things- things that some might consider perverse or even gross. Last week I invited Ben (Bernanke) over and we tried a threesome. I thought that might be a turning point, but the next morning the economy said the experience made it feel dirty."
Paulson went on to say "It was never my intention to hurt the economy. I just thought that perhaps we needed to spice things up, but I guess that idea backfired. But I want the economy to know that I love it, and I want the American people to know that I'm not giving up. We'll get through this somehow."