President Bush, having survived a night with three apparitions, was feeling very much alive this morning. Eye witnesses say that the president was seen walking over to the federal treasury and inquiring how much money was available and then arranging for a helicopter drop of millions of dollars on some of the worst neighborhoods in Washington.
The first apparition, the ghost of Christmas past, was reported to have taken Bush on a trip down memory lane where he saw himself studying in a small dorm room at Phillips Academy in Andover.
"That boy is quite alone in the world. Weep for him if the tears will come," said the ghost. "He has to live in the shadow of his father, George Herbert Walker Bush Sr. and other men with names like Samuel, Prescott and Obadiah. Furthermore, he doesn't even have the build of a baseball player, so what can he do after classes, but cause trouble?"
"Yes, I'm glad you understand," Bush reportedly answered.
The next scene showed the president after 9/11 taking a long walk with the vice-president, Dick Cheney.
"Why did you follow Cheney and not your heart," the ghost asked. "You were such a great communicator and learned such great communication skills in group therapy when you were wrestling with your alcoholism. Why didn't you choose to build consensus in the UN? They would have helped you. Instead, you chose to go at it alone, take isolationist policies toward the world like so many other decisions you made during your presidency."
It was reported that Bushes response was no longer favorable and summoned one of the white house staff to suck the ghost up in a Hoover vacuum cleaner.
The president was then reported to have gone back to sleep on the couch where he was awakened at two by another ghost calling Bushes name loudly and who identified himself to be the Ghost of Christmas Present.
Reporters say that this ghost took Bush on a tour of the inner cities, ground-level in Iraq and other war zones and to cells in Guantanamo Bay.
"Why are these prisoners without clothes?" he apparently asked about the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. "And why are they forced to listen to Guns 'n Roses? Why are so many kids running around unsupervised in the streets?"
"The prisoners are being tortured," the ghost said. "The children are orphans. Their names are want and ignorance. And upon their brow is written, doom."
After being abandoned by the ghost on the streets of DC, it was reported that a third ghost showed up, The Ghost of Christmas Future. This ghost looked like Uncle Sam and took the president to the Capital building where congress and the senate were passing new laws to nationalize health care and tax the American people to pay for all the programs that were necessary.
This action was apparently too much for the president and so he broke down into one of the deepest sobs of his life crying, "I want to go home!"