NEW YORK CITY, New York - CBS in a big shakeup move has announced that they have decided to fire David Letterman and to replace him with motion picture actress Angelina Jolie.
An unnamed CBS executive said that Mr. Letterman, 61, simply chose to price himself out of the market. He wanted CBS to double his salary from $20 million to $40 million. Plus Letterman asked for mileage, 60 days a year sick leave, and a dental plan.
CBS has issued the following official statement: We regret to have to take the measures to terminate Mr. Letterman. CBS and Mr. Letterman have always had a fantastic working relationship. But lately it seems that (King) David has just gotten downright greedy in his old age. We are generously paying Letterman $20 million a year, but he is demanding $40 million a year. To paraphrase a well-known paraphraser...'Davey, you ain't no Johnny Carson.'
So effective February 1, 2009, Letterman is out and Jolie is in. And frankly everyone at CBS could not be happier.
An inside source has revealed that Angelina, who is 33, has agreed to one of the producer's wardrobe suggestions. On every Monday's show Angelina will wear short shorts. On Tuesday she'll do the show wearing a tiny halter and skintight jeans.
Wednesday she'll wear a micro miniskirt. On Thursday she'll appear wearing a bikini swimsuit, and on Friday night's show Angelina will wear a provocative black see thru baby doll gown and matching black see thru bikini thong panties.
Miss Jolie will be paid $20 million a year, plus CBS will pay for the day care bill for her six children. She has asked that her better half Brad Pitt be hired as her show's announcer and CBS has gladly agreed to Ms. Jolie's request.
When Jolie was asked if she was going to be keeping Paul Schaefer on as her musical director she replied, "Oh no. I am afraid that the short, little bald-headed fella is history. He can go ahead and book his flight back to Toronto."
In a related story. Jennifer Aniston told Ellen DeGeneres on her show that her 2009 New Year's resolution is to steal Brad Pitt away from Angelina.