Written by Madame Bitters
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Friday, 19 December 2008

image for Steamy Centerfold Calendar, "Sexy Sirens of the GOP" Will Top All Holiday Wishlists
Miss October

Wahington DC- Still not sure what to get your husband for Christmas? How about a calender featuring a few of the hottest, sexiest ladies...of the Republican Party!

The steamy and controversial 2009 calender, "Sexy Sirens of the GOP" will be on store shelves this Saturday, just in time for last minute shoppers to snatch up.

The 18 month calander will feature the assets of some of the most prominent women in the Republican party, including: Sarah Palin, Cindy McCain, Laura Bush, Condeleeza Rice, and Ann Coulter among others.

The creator of the racy Republican calender, Peter Shootwad got the idea for the calendar whilst watching the Republican Primaries.

"So there I was, sitting on the couch only half paying attention to what was going on when I heard a voice that would put any phone sex worker to shame. At first I thought I might have been imagining it but then I remembered that I'd started back on my meds last week.

"So I looked at the TV, and there she was standing on the stage, looking as sexy as she sounded...Cindy McCain. So I started watching closer and I saw babe after babe go up on that stage!

"Sarah Palin, and that old guy who's on Law and Order's wife. I can't remember her name right now, but she's Miss October in the calendar."

After the election was over, Shootwad knew it would be at least four years until he saw all of that Republican tail in the same place. That, and since a new year was about to begin Peter Shootwad decided to design a 2009 calendar showcasing the ladies of the Rebublican party.

Ultra-conservatives were initially concerned the photos would be indecent. There were concerns about sullying the pristine and scandal-free reputation of the Republican party.

However, Shootwad persuaded party leaders that the photos would be tasteful as well as erotic. With all of the concervative minds put at ease, production of "Sexy Sirens of the GOP" was off and running.

When Shootwad was asked to go into a bit more detail about the calendar, he started without hesitation.

"Well, Sarah Palin is on January. I thought it would be best to start the year off with her. She's wearing a string bikini lined with bear fur and she's holding a rifle. Oh, and she has on a John Deere trucker cap.

"I put Condi Rice on February because February is Black History Month. When I told her I was going to do that she got really excited. She said that this was really the high point of her political career.

"I used Ann Coulter for December because she's such a frigid bitch. She's dressed up sorta like the Grinch, but in a sexy way."

When I asked Shootwad what his favorite month was he smiled at me shyly.

"Well, I guess my favorite one is August. I put Cindy McCain on that month. She's dressed up in a an American Flag bikini and she's in front of a barbeque grilling burgers and hotdogs. There's also a cooler full of frosty cold bottles of Busch at her feet."

Then I asked the question about the calendar that would be on most people's minds: Is there any airbrushing?

"What you have to understand is that all professional photos have some airbrushing. And some of the photos, like Lynne Cheyney's, needed more work than most. We used what we thought was necesssary; we didn't go overboard. These women aren't just physically hot, they're hot on the inside too, and that shines through."

"Sexy Sirens of the GOP" 2009 calendars will be on shelves on December 20 at all major retailers

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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