President-elect Barack Obama announced today that his economic team will begin work on a new plan to jump start the nation's troubled economy. Based on the theories of turn of the century Italian immigrant and financier Charles Ponzi, the centerpiece of the plan will involve a new class of special issue government bonds designed to provide steady income for tens of thousands of American families.
"It is clear that the old, outdated economic models are ill-suited to the new economy that we find ourselves in at the dawn of the 21st century", he said during a press conference. "It is time to jettison those antiquated theories and move in a new direction."
Basically, the plan works this way. Investors will be classified into groups, or tiers. Tier 1 investors will be able to purchase the bonds directly from their own banks, they can then sell them at substantial profit to tier 2 investors who can then sell to tier 3 investors, and so on. By the time they get to the final tier, the 1st tier assumes the next position, and the whole thing starts over.
"Keep in mind that new investors are always entering the market as younger people attain the age of majority, as well as through immigration from other countries.", Obama went on to explain. Although recent events such as the Bernie Madoff scandal have given Ponzian economics a bad name, it is clear, Obama says, that the underlying theory is sound.
"Just because someone abused the system for personal gain doesn't mean the plan itself can't work with the right kind of government oversight. Run the right way, this plan can turn our nation's economy around for at least the next 4-8 years."