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Sunday, 14 December 2008

image for California Approves Prop 86 Ban on Same-Sex Divorce
One unhappy gay man who will no longer have the option of divorcing his lover.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A proposition to ban the practice of allowing same-sex couples to break their sacred vows of matrimony was passed by California voters in Tuesday's election.

At a ballroom in San Diego, the mood of supporters gathered in support of Prop 86 grew noticeably upbeat as it became clear the ban on gay divorce would pass. Cheers began to break as the latest count updates trickled in.

"Now the vows of matrimony can only be broken by a man and a woman, as God intended it," said Eve LeJardin. "It just goes to show you, the way we were able to get out there, you know, to spread our important message, and educate the California voters. Now they understand the sanctity of divorce."

Another lively crowd of Prop 86 supporters gathered at a bar in Sacramento. Leaving the cheering crowd early, Stephen Adams was burbling over with enthusiasm for the cause. Just before he vomited on his pickup truck, he managed to say, "When God... (hic)... when God put his seed in Mary without her consent... even though the lllittle tramp was be- beet-... (hic)betrothed to Joseph... that was between a man and a woman! And that... just... proves... my point!!"

Magdalene Coulter believes core societal values were at stake in this election. "It all goes back to what your culture considers sacred. By passing Proposition 86, the voters stated that the vows of matrimony are just too sacred to be broken by anyone for any reason. That right should be reserved for couples involved in a sacred union between a man, a woman and God, especially in a country where it says 'In God We Trust' right there on the same money we pay when we file for divorces."

News of the passage of Prop 86 is disheartening to a number of area same-sex couples who got married over the last few months, as they are now ready to call it quits.

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