In response to a flurry of allegations of suspected misbehavior, the entire state of Illinois has reportedly denied involvement in "any wrongdoing whatsoever" and maintain their collective innocence, in spite of an ongoing federal investigation targeting all 13 million inhabitants of the state.
Lead attorney for the Prarie state, Rick Jankowski says "Illinois may have made mistakes in the past, but I'm convinced that these charges will be proven false and the fine state will be back to work as soon as the misunderstanding is cleared up."
This is not the first time the state has been under the cloud of suspicion. In 1988 wiretaps conducted by the FBI had reportedly caught the Land of Lincoln's denizens accepting a bribe from long-time Louisiana Representative and convicted felon Harvey Dupree. When the case was thrown out because of a lack of evidence, Illinois maintained its innocence and insisted that it was the victim of a 'set-up.'
Currently the state continues to ignore the call of president-elect Barack Obama to step down until the investigation is complete.
"Right now the state of Illinois needs to focus on getting its work done in spite of the distractions," says eight-year-old Robby Dankers. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a wedgie to perform," Dankers added slipping out of the press conference without answering any questions.
The remaining living inhabitants of the state all agreed that they had no idea any kind of wrongdoing was happening, and added that even if they did, hey, these things happen, what are you gonna' do?