Written by Aspartame Boy
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Topics: Aspartame, Homeless, Acid

Thursday, 11 December 2008

image for Hobos Getting High on Battery Acid and Aspartame
I locked myself in this car and drank a diet orange soda

DETROIT - Now that lots full of new cars are being abandoned, hobos are moving in to 'salvage' the battery acid and cook up a new treat for the street. Normally too sour to consume, the battery acid is mixed with pure aspartame to make a sweet tangy paste that the hobos are eating. Strangely, the hobos are being transformed by the experience. "I gave up drinking.", a hobo known as Hobopower said. " The pink elephants were beginning to bother me. Now, I don't feel the urge to drink. I just eat some 'twangy', as we call this stuff, and I feel like reading a book, or working a math problem. Killed my tapeworm too!" "Wow. That's really cool. But, did you know I can see directly into your stomach where your belly button used to be? And your tee-shirt seems to have melted." "Oh, I wondered where my shirt went. Thanks. Here, want some 'twangy'? I just mixed up this batch.".


At that point I locked myself in an abandoned car and dialed 911. Eventually, the police came on a bicycle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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