Written by Aspartame Boy
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Aspartame, Homeless, Acid

Thursday, 11 December 2008

image for Hobos Getting High on Battery Acid and Aspartame
I locked myself in this car and drank a diet orange soda

DETROIT - Now that lots full of new cars are being abandoned, hobos are moving in to 'salvage' the battery acid and cook up a new treat for the street. Normally too sour to consume, the battery acid is mixed with pure aspartame to make a sweet tangy paste that the hobos are eating. Strangely, the hobos are being transformed by the experience. "I gave up drinking.", a hobo known as Hobopower said. " The pink elephants were beginning to bother me. Now, I don't feel the urge to drink. I just eat some 'twangy', as we call this stuff, and I feel like reading a book, or working a math problem. Killed my tapeworm too!" "Wow. That's really cool. But, did you know I can see directly into your stomach where your belly button used to be? And your tee-shirt seems to have melted." "Oh, I wondered where my shirt went. Thanks. Here, want some 'twangy'? I just mixed up this batch.".


At that point I locked myself in an abandoned car and dialed 911. Eventually, the police came on a bicycle.

Make Aspartame Boy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 4?

2 13 4 9
80 readers are online right now!

Go to top