Written by Warren Redlich
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Wednesday, 10 December 2008

image for Blagojevich Sells House Too
The Blagojevich Homestead

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, under fire for trying to sell Barack Obama's US Senate seat, is catching more trouble over his efforts to sell his house.

Recent allegations indicate Blagojevich was engaged in a wide variety of corrupt behaviors. The most controversial so far was the attempted sale of the Senate seat. But new information shows that Blagojevich was also using his position as Governor to extract deals on his own personal house.

After watching TV shows like House Hunters, he figured he could get about $750K for his 50-year-old 1500 sq.ft. home in a downtrodden neighborhood in Springfield. While such properties usually go for $100K, Blagojevich based his price on comparable homes with beachfront access in places like Costa Rica.

Instead of offering his home in that manner through a realtor, the Governor planned to sell to companies that were trying to get contracts for work with the State. His plan fell through when prospective buyers found out how crappy the place was.

Myron Weasel of the New York based Dewey Cheatham & Howe law firm had expressed interest as part of his firm's lobbying practice. "It would make it easy for us to do business with the Governor, both by location and there's the bribery aspect too. But this place was just awful. I couldn't bring my hookers back to that dump."

Blagojevich had hoped buyers would factor improvements into the price, but he didn't count on Weasel turning him in. "It's one thing for a guy to want a bribe, but trying to put me in that hole was just too much. I'll just pay off the next Governor."

Blagojevich is facing up to 10 years in state prison, but is reportedly working with prosecutors in a deal where Plaxico Burress would play for the Chicago Bears and would have to live in his house.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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