Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: boston

Thursday, 10 June 2004

image for Dukakis Makes New Bid for Nomination!
"...blow a big hole..."

Boston (AP) Former Governor Michael Dukakis says he will make one last bid for the Presidential race. Speaking before a large gathering of losers from the Democratic National Committee, Mr. Dukakis said, "I got a raw deal last time. My advisors made a lot of mistakes back in 1988, but I've learned from their mistakes and am going to win the nomination AND the election this time! First of all, I really learned how to drive a tank; if elected I'll go over there and blow a big hole through that Bin Laden guy with a big burst from my tank. Second, my name recognition is much stronger now -- thanks to my cousin Olympia; isn't she great?"

Looking nearly a foot taller due to some special shoes, the former candidate said, " I've had a lot of time to think about how I would feel if my wife Kitty got raped by someone I pardoned from prison. I just want to say that I'd be sorry I let such a guy out of jail."

"I have asked that Lloyd what's his name fellow if he'd be my running mate again, but he refused. I'm very depressed about that, but I'm sure someone will step up to the plate once the groundswell at the convention kicks in."

"I'm ready to take on George W. Bush... and kick his little ass just the way I kicked his father's! OK... Cousin Olympia is telling me that the cops are ticketing my tank outside, so I'd better go now. Thank you and buh - bye now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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