Washington DC-- A family secret of Barack Obama was revealed over the weekend. He is a first cousin of Morticia Addams. Mr. Obama's mother was the daughter of Aunt Cringe and Uncle Fester. Aunt Cringe died recently in Hawaii. Mr. Obama has gone to great trouble to keep the information private, including burning his own birth certificate. The name on the birth certificate is Barack Hussein Addams Obama.
Aunt Cringe became ashamed of her relatives and Mr. Obama has never met his strange cousins. He is as distant with them as he is from his African relatives.
Mr. Obama still retains many Addams family peculiarities. He is both AC and DC like his maternal grandfather and loves eating a juicy cactus now and then. Not many people have noticed Mr. Obama has two left hands and two left feet. He was also born covered in thick hair like Cousin Itt and must shave his body twice a day.
Morticia Addams would love to meet her estranged cousin. "We are very proud of Barack, even though he keeps his distance." she said. "I'd love to visit the White House! I have so many wonderful ideas for the Rose Garden! I also have a wonderful African strangler plant just perfect for Michelle. The two little girls can feed the plant yak burgers. They remind me so much of Wednesday!" she beamed.
Morticia says the entire Addams family will attend the inauguration in January. "We will sit with the California delegation when Barack is sworn in. We will fit right in!" she laughed.