Walter Reed Army Hospital/ Medical Journal - Vice President Elect Joe Biden suddenly resurfaced today after having "gone missing" since the night of the Presidential election over a month ago.
Mysteriously, no one noticed he had been missing!
Accompanied by medical staff, and sporting several new hair plugs, Biden said dreamily, he had simply "been away." Several members of Obama's new Clinton cabinet, no friends to the often wayward speaking former Senator, said he had undergone a "reprogramming" at the direction of Michelle Obama, who couldn't stand being in the same room as "the man who is a legend in his own mind", as the new First Lady commented when she thought she was off mike.
Insiders say Biden was duped into checking into the nation's Army hospital on the pretense of emergency surgery from a ficticious gun shot wound to the head after having made 16 combat jumps into Afghanastan. Biden was told he would be able to add to his war medals to include the Combat Infrantyman's Badge, Jump Wings, and the Silver Star with "V" cluster if he played along.
While surgeons were performing a frontal lobotomy, a last ditch surgery technique to cure mental mis-speak embarrassments, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reed added an ear mark to the procedure, claiming that Biden also "smelled bad", and wanted something done about it.
Reed had just gone $650M over budget on the Capitol Visitor Center construction project when he included special air purifiers to neutralize the body odour of most Obama supporters visiting the shrine that he found offensive.
Doctors said that odour removal was no problem, and certainly not Brain Surgery, and removed Biden's sweat glands, although, they said they could do nothing about his breath or flatulence.
House Speaker, Madam Nancy Pelosi was said to be over joyed with the "new" Vice President. Wags claimed that with Biden's diminished capacity, she was just "one step closer to the Presidency", in case "anything happened."