Hilarious Rodent Clinton is scrambling to reduce her massive campaign debt before she becomes the US Secretary of Sleaze, when federal ethics laws - and political sensitivities - will severely hamper her ability to do so. (Granting her nomination is ratified and the burgeoning debt dyke doesn't burst first)
Washington analysts have speculated, with tongue in cheek, why Clinton is bothering to observe such political niceties now when she has a history of riding rough-shod over any semblance of legal integrity in the past.
The former first lady is receiving financial help from the E-Bay auction sales of her husband's infamous Presidential ML-10 tie collection and siphoning off very discreet amounts of accumulated interest from the mega-bucks Mena drug sales loot stashed away in their Liberian and Swiss numbered bank accounts.
The Clintons plan a special Whitewater Christmas fundraiser this month, which will give wealthy donors a final chance to buy some corruption-free face time with the future Secretary of Sleaze hopeful.
The Rodent, and her Artful Dodger husband Bill, will headline a major debt retirement event in New York, at the Paula Jones Memorial Arena, on December 15th. Tickets range from $50,000 to $1,000,000 with top donors earning premium first rights to enjoy a grope, and have backstage nude photos taken, with the former first slapper.
Ms. Sapphie Dildodo, spokesdyke for the New York senator, informed the media Ms. Clinton wishes to avoid being caught or implicated doing anything that suggests she is leveraging her new post for money-grabbing advantage. However, she admitted the appearance of a conflict of interest is always possible when low-life lobbyists give money to politicians with an established seedy background.
"If nothing else, there's the embarrassment element," said Brad Dorkgummer, a former dog wanker for the Federal Election Commission. "A Secretary of Sleaze nominee trying to raise campaign debt payoff money is kind of ugly. But Hillary fits the bill to a tee in those departments anyway."
At the beginning of November, Clinton owed $75 million to vendors from her failed presidential bid, according to campaign finance records. The largest share of the debt - about $53 million - is owed to Crystal Ball, the disastrous polling firm of ostracised presidential drug and blowjob buddy, Larry Sinclair.
Barack O'Barmy's personal Kenyan-Indonesian protection team are rumoured to have sent an email yesterday, signed by vice-president-elect Joe Bidet and religious guru Rev. Lefty Wright, requesting Crystal Ball cancel Clinton's inflated campaign debt - or else discuss the matter in person with the late Donald Young.