Written by Warren Redlich
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Friday, 5 December 2008

image for Obama Solves Mortgage Crisis
Larry Summers starts managing the economy

President-elect Barack Obama announced his plan to solve the mortgage crisis Friday morning. Effective January 31st, the government will take over all private property.

"Private ownership is the root cause of these problems," said Larry Summers, Obama's top economic adviser. "If it wasn't for that, there wouldn't have been any mortgages in the first place." Obama and his team of top economists spent the last week reviewing various economic theories, and concluded that "capitalism just doesn't work."

Homeowners will be able to stay in their homes for now while the Obama team figures out how to implement further policies in light of the new framework. It is expected that the government will soon take control of all businesses as well. Once that is complete, occupancy of homes will be distributed based in part on how jobs are distributed.

A substantial amount of coastal real estate will be freed up as the current owners load up their boats, sports cars and jets with everything they own and head to other countries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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