President George W. Bush has taken the unique step of declaring Martiall Law without the country having either been attacked or being under imminent threat of attack. Administration Officials, concerned about falling public opinion polls and the real danger of losing the November elections, has authorized the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to take control of all Transportation Systems, Communications Systems, the Banking Industry and the McDonalds Corporation.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "Look, if you're upset that we've declared Martial Law, you have only yourself to blame, you and those people who write for your stupid webzine. You were making us look bad, mocking us and hurting our feelings. As long as guys like you were out there posting anti Bush stories on Google we were worried that we were gonna lose big time in November. I'll tell you right now buster, that ain't gonna happen, ever."
Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of even more anonymity continued, " We were hoping for another big Terrorist Attack in America, but all the damn terrorists are in Iraq; it's much easier to kill Americans there rather than come to the U.S., so we decided not to take the chance. Martial Law allows us to control the News; no more reports about torture, fighting in Iraq, the economy or pollution. And most importantly, no November Elections, thank God. John Kerry and Al Gore can look forward to a a long rest in Guantanamo Bay, the anti American scum."
Finally, speaking on the condition of tons of anonymity, Waterhouse ended, " You always said we in the Administration were too reactive, not proactive. Well, hows this for proactive you terrorist loving radical freak?"