The US Post Office, in a novel move to prevent the layoff of 40,000 employees from across the country, has come up with a plan to only pretend to pay their employees who only pretend to work. This move could save a lot of fat butts from having to go out and get real jobs.
"It could work out well." stated a Post Official hiding in a highly secured, bullet-proof office built by the same contractors who built the Green Zone in Baghdad. "Half the employees behind the scenes don't do any work anyway, they just sleep or sit in the snack room and yak. I feel it is only fair to pretend to pay them in return. So many employees sleep on the job that they could easily make up the lack of pay by getting another job. They could save money by not having an apartment."
Postal Union officials are concerned about this development as union reps are the biggest slackers, using their work hours for harrassing managers and intimidating temporary workers.
Further information is not available at the moment because all reporters trying to interview workers have been shot or stuffed into stamping machines.