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Monday, 1 December 2008

On January 20th, an unobtrusive army officer will carry a small leather-bound metal briefcase following President George W. Bush up the Capitol Hill steps and after the inauguration of President Barack Obama, the officer will follow the new president back to the White House.

Inside the suitcase, referred to as "the football", are the codes to identify and authenticate the order for lauching nuclear weapons and create Armageddon.

"Very few people know this", reported Al-Jazeera that was picked up by CNN News here.

"We've always wondered what all that was about", stated Kyra Phillips. "But it makes sense. There's always all these references about the new president that have become ordinary sayings, like 'carrying the ball' and 'I wouldn't marry you if the president threw the football and you were the only one who left dancing in the end zone'."

"We're grateful to Al-Jazeera for sharing this news with the America people", stated Larry King who actually saw "the football" while talking to then President Ford "who made a mock throw with it to me, let it slip and it went right through the Oval Office window. I was wondering why the President of the United States suddenly tackled me and ran outside."

"Rumor is", stated Oprah on her show, after the Al-Jazeera press release, "that President Ronald Reagan slept with it under his pillow. That was why they called him "The Gipper".

Oprah then gave everyone in the audience rubber-cased football with fake Armageddon instructions inside.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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