Written by Bureau
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Topics: Poo, Zoo

Saturday, 29 November 2008

The Christmas ornaments in Bloomington, Illinois that are for sale at the Miller Park Zoo's gift shop are partly manufactured by reindeer, and that's no bullshit!

Workers there make Christmas tree decorations out of droppings from the zoo's two reindeer, Ealu and Rika. The droppings are then dried, coated with a clear substance and either painted or rolled in glitter.

Zoo marketing director Susie Ohlay has named the products "magical reindeer gem ornaments," and each comes with a label of authenticity. "They cost $5 at the zoo gift shop", stated Ohley. "We couldn't make them fast enough and didn't want to overfeed the reindeer so now we rely on deer-hunter packages, but we only charge $2.50 for those. We leave it to the parents on what they tell the kids, but I overhear "Rudolph" a lot."

Staffer Katie Boydos, who makes jewelry as a hobby, donated wire and beads, saying, "Susie asked me to bring some creativity to the table. She then gives me the shits. That's an inside joke."

"We keep getting inspected because word is getting around that we're getting shit in the mail and selling it. I mean, who knew that you could sell shit?"

"Probably fertilizer companies", stated one worker, whom was spotted later walking down the street with a pink slip.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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