WASHINGTON, D.C. - President George W. Bush will be leaving the White House for good in less than two months.
He was asked by Regis Philbin what he will miss the most about being President of the world's greatest nation. Bush replied, "Well, Reger, I am really going to miss the great chefs at the Executive Mansion. Man those folks could sure whip up some fantastic meals in no time.
They all learned real quick how to prepare meals made from my favorite food animal, the cow. You know Roger, those fellas got to where they could cook everything from Barbecued Beef to Reconstituted Toro, to Sweet and Sour Heifer, to Steer Sukiyaki. And they especially loved making Laura's personal favorite Longhorn Limb Appetizers."
Bush went on, "And Reggie another thing that I will definitely miss is flying on Air Force One. Gosh that was a thrill...what a joy and a pleasure it was to fly on that state-of-the-art baby. Wow! zero to 600 in 3.9 seconds!
And let me tell you Rudy, I will certainly not be looking forward to having to deal with the vehicular traffic. But of course, once we get back down to our ranch in Crawford, Texas it really won't be so bad." (EDITOR'S NOTE: The traffic will not be bad at all since the entire town of Crawford consists of 4 cars, 17 pick-up trucks, 1 golf cart, and 2 skateboards.)
Bush stated, "So when we get back home to Texas, Laura will be doing the cooking, and I will be doing the grilling. We'll also go back to making our own bed, changing our own TV channels, and buttering our own biscuits."
Regis asked the president if he had a job lined up. And Bush answered, "Oh hell yes. Just yesterday evening I called up two of my old hunting buddies, the Bittquist brothers, Bubba and Tucker. These boys own the John Deere Feed & Seed Store in Crawford.
Well after we got finished up talking about politics, the price of chewing tobacco, the Dallas Cowboys and the San Antonio Spurs I asked Bubba if he could give me a job working in his and his brother's store.
And Bubba told me that he would hire me as a feed and seed salesman. So starting in February, I will be working at The John Deere Feed & Seed Store where I will be selling horse feed, cow chow, salt licks, hay seeds, chicken feed, and gopher traps. The Bittquist brothers have agreed to start me off at $9 an hour."
In other news. Nia Vardalos and John Corbett will soon begin shooting their new movie which is a sequel to their 2002 hit, 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The sequel is entitled, 'My Big Fat Greek Divorce.' Also staring in the sequel will be Cloris Leachman, Madonna, The Detroit Red Wings, Heidi Klum, Toby The Wonder Duck, Johnny Depp, and Donald Rumsfeld.